What are you afraid to lose?

Actually, cross that.

It’s a redundant question since we’re all intrinsically scared of losing in a general sense. Our reactions vary on a couple of consistent factors, which include: the object / person, the extent (is it temporary or permanent?), and how much we care.

We’re not all that different.

Referring back to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs…it is obvious that we’re afraid to lose material objects that will directly impact us physically, such as shelter and food. When we have our survival needs satisfied, we create meaningful relationships with others and our own self. We don’t really possess relationships as communication is not a single-sided (and if it is, it’s not a relationship…not a healthy one, at least). However, there’s still the hanging fear of the other person just leaving. Of course, if this is too extreme, it causes neediness and that definitely will drive your loved ones away. I can promise you that.

There’s a magnitude of reasons behind why all sorts of relationships end.

It might be because of a shift in life and priorities.

It might be physical proximity.

It might be a clash in certain ideologies that are irreconcilable for either one or both parties.

It might be a breakup (amicable or not).

It might be because someone passed away.

Sometimes, we might not even know the reason at all.

I’ve always (I suppose I still do at times now, but I’m consciously aware of it and trying to fix that) shifted the blame onto myself when dealing with interpersonal loss. It’s extremely toxic for these thoughts to even exist. We all like to believe that we can control as much as possible, but sometimes it is crucial to recognize that the only human being we can really control is our individual self.

Losing is a natural process. It’s important to acknowledge and not escape from it, as it is inevitable. The more you run away and avoid it, the bigger the impact will be when you do fail. We’re all fighting battles. Sometimes we know that there’s a certain gain for us. Sometimes we know that there’s a loss, but we still want to try. Sometimes we don’t know the outcome.

The important point here is to keep trying. People will leave (either as quick as pulling out a band-aid, or as slow as an ice cube melting in a whiskey glass…or just somewhere in between), but it doesn’t mean you should stop putting in effort.

There’ll be some people who will see and appreciate what you’re doing to keep in touch. And those are the people who make it all worthwhile.

“The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.”
– Elizabeth Bishop, One Art


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