Paris Street; Rainy Day
Gustave Caillebotte, 1877.
It’s more than okay to care about someone and admit that to him / her. In fact, it’s probably an act of bravery. I know I wasn’t able to do that a while ago, until it was obviously too late (you know, the usual scenario where a breaking point ensues and then both parties get their last words and farewells out) or when I’m extremely familiar and / or comfortable with that person.
The braver act would be to learn how to let go appropriately should it not work out – without resentment, without fault, without blame. There is a variety of reasons and it’s quite futile to run mental gymnastics over the array of possibilities, as we will never have the right answer unless the other party chooses to let us know. It’s the final kind gesture, the ultimate light touch that you can bestow upon that same person.
There’s the saying along the lines of letting what and who you love go, and if it comes back, it’s to keep. Part of the truth lies in that line and reflects that throughout the test of time.
I know that I’m inclined to impatience as I seek some sort of answer and knowledge about different aspects of life, which then usually trips me up. I don’t think that I never learn as I’m reflecting this through stream of consciousness now.
I’m acutely aware that I care too much and overthink, which in turn translates to some sort of anxiety and stress. The root of these actions derive from personal insecurities, vulnerabilities, and partially my upbringing as well as experiences. Then again, I suppose it happens to everyone.
I understand that we go through the ebb and flow of life through different paces and exposures, so we all proceed through different paces, actions, thoughts, and reactions. I can’t completely relate to all types of scenarios, as it is impossible, so I try my best to empathize.
There is, however, a fine line between relating to others and putting them on a pedestal.
So here’s a
short and sweet promise I’m making to myself starting from today (to be fair, it’s been a continuous process, but I’m kindly reminding myself again – did you know that it takes the human brain seven times of exposure to remember something?):
I will try to empathize as much as I can to others (with the exception of the usual deal breakers such as abuse, torture – you know where I’m getting at because those actions are definitely non-excusable) while staying aware of the reality of the situation. It is a lot better to be grounded to the truth, though it may hurt, displayed through consistent actions than to be drifting in the past, fantasies, expectations, and the “potential” of anything. They are either in the past, or entirely fabricated in your head. Neither of these are great to dwell on.
I will also try to be easier on myself.
I’ve been displaying kindness and care towards myself as much as I can despite my recurring insecurities, even during the harder days. I’m grateful for the friends who have been and will still be here for me, not just for the good, but also for the downright terrible times, as it is impossible to witness a rainbow without a little rain, a little discomfort, and a little pain.
I will and have also let go of the people who have changed their courses, no matter the extent of care I have for them. When someone shows you who they are, believe that person – never try to convince him / her otherwise. What makes you think that you know better?
Again, we do not need to teach anyone how to act appropriately, because they know how to be a decent person. They just choose not to with me, and that is completely valid as it is their own right. There is an absence of hard feelings albeit mixed in with a twinge of sorrow and hurt for obvious reasons.
However, it is also my right to not tolerate their actions and to leave and close the door behind. Should they do come back (and honestly, they do) and act as if nothing has happened after a period of time, I ask what they want from me and then call them out on their inappropriate behavior. No more resets – if they want to be involved again, they explain, take accountability, and prove themselves before I let them in again (and yes, the bar gets a lot higher after).
A specific lesson I’ve learned and have been utilizing since is to not associate my worth and value with someone’s disrespectful words and actions. Cruel words, avoidance, passive aggression, blame, and a handful of other hurtful actions are the results of that person and his / her character. I empathize for whatever problems that person chooses to reveal to me, but what he / she does to me is ultimately not on me.
Void of resentment, fault, and blame for both sides – I am left with the wound that will heal from time as I acquaint myself with new people and continue to nurture my relationships with people I know.
I will let go and expend my time on hobbies, activities, causes, and people I care about instead of crying over spilled milk. I tried my best, I fell, but I also grew in the process.
I hope you’re growing today and every other day, too.
Note: A pretty amazing way to let go (for me) is to block and / or delete people on social media as well as their numbers. I’ve also deleted chat conversations and photos recently. I haven’t been able to do that for the longest time since I always felt like I was holding out for something, the maybe in the future. The “maybe this person will come back” mentality is pretty dangerous.
I’ve been living in the present and the future (comparatively to the past, obviously) and despite those “somethings” and “maybes”, in a lot of those instances where someone did come back, it is truly based on the initial conversation that I know whether or not he / she will be back in a more permanent sense.
The truth is, a lot of times people will come back out of boredom, loneliness, and an ego boost. Don’t entertain that. They are not worth it, because they will ditch you immediately and without hesitation anyway. You are better than that.
As hard as it is to believe, there are people who are genuinely there for you. Hold on to those, and don’t chase the ones who think that you are not good enough for them and their attention and time. Let them go and say goodbye to them for the rest of your life. Those who belong to you will come back to you, sooner than later, in the right time.