Road with Cypress and Star
Vincent van Gogh, 1890.
A little while ago, I was on an emotional low – I’ve been quick to jump to the worst conclusions and stayed within the realms of anxiety and stress, unwilling to leave.
It wasn’t that I wanted to stay – I probably didn’t think I could get through with the obstacles I was facing back then, and so I regressed and became hopeless and helpless at the same time.
I swayed between trying to write about my sorrows and despairs in order to feel sorry for myself to furiously jotting down my thoughts and the “healthy” mentalities that I’ve learned throughout the past few years. One of the byproduct ended up being a post I’ve made a couple of months ago, stating that we’re most likely insignificantly significant when it comes to the grand scheme of the entire world.
The positive that came out of rereading that piece was that I still agree with what I’ve written back then.
However, I’d like to write from an obscure yet crucial aspect today and extend a fleeting thought that I’ve mentioned.
I’ve stated that despite the fact that the world doesn’t revolve around anyone, so we should be able to pick our orbits. We should cherry pick the people we associate with, and how close and distant we want each and every single one of them within our lives.
We used to believe in the geocentric model in astronomy, where the Earth is at the center of the universe. That was proven wrong as the heliocentric model took over, which proved that other planets, in reality, revolved around the sun in our solar system.
Compare yourself to the sun, and other people merely as the planets.
It can be seen as selfish gesture, but it really isn’t. It’s a part of self care.
All of us go through a learning curve, just like how we used to deeply believe that our existence and significance in our lives were mainly based on how we acted as orbits around other people’s lives. We felt the rewards when we were liked, and reprimanded ourselves a little too harshly and unnecessarily when we were disliked. We still fall back and do that from time to time.
Then we encounter an issue and perhaps we first feel a twinge of discomfort. Sometimes we escalate to disagreements, arguments, and maybe we even fuck up a bit or monumentally. We hurt someone – maybe it is someone you love, someone you hate, or someone you feel extremely indifferent about. A lot of the times, we actively try to avoid confrontation for the sake of comfort, but some of these inevitable uncomfortable situations are the ones that speed up our individual growths. We step out of crossroads and make irreversible decisions with these milestones.
We then realize slowly that despite not knowing our true purpose and existence in this world, we now know that we are the suns, and the others – even our closest loved ones, serve as our orbits.
We lose and gain some people. The impact for some are so, so much higher than others. It feels physically painful to even go back and recount those instances, but you are here today: living and breathing just fine.
The sun is always in the center, and that’s where you should be placing yourself at instead of chasing one after another. The inorganic placement of yourself within someone else’s life will bring you exhaustion and hurt, and unlike Hollywood, you will never find your “happily ever after” through this pain. The right orbits will stick and stay – perhaps not effortlessly, as all types of healthy relationship need to be a two-way street, but they are worth the fight and consistency.
Stop the chase, and start shining within your route today.